Total engagement

The thing about living as a student in the UK is that you enter a whole different culture. I feel like a general trend i keep seeing in university students is that they have this external sense of courage and purpose, but its compounded with this weird sense that they know how the world works and where they belong in it. It’s as if university students has to have this narration of why they are there, studying what they are studying and what they will be. How can you justify going 9k pounds in debt every year if you don’t have a plan? This isn’t to dismiss their efforts as being silly. I’m just constantly reminded how university students are just as sheltered and confused as when we were in secondary school.

I am admittedly confused with life but thats fine because i think it takes a confused person to find out some amazing truths. I’m excited to meet my university friends in the future after they’ve had the rug pull from under their feet because i think that is when they will realise their full potential!

Last summer was a confusing period for me. My mind had enough with all the unnecessary stresses that comes with being a student so i was full bent on this notion of ‘being  completely present’. I disliked how noisy life can be. Theres just a bombardment of stimulus in day to day life that it can be hard to completely engage with whats really in front of you. It’s one of the big reasons why I stopped blogging or carrying a phone.

I honestly think being completely present is the most addicting feeling in the world but talking about being present always presents itself as a subjective matter. A lot of people don’t  understand what it means to be completely present because maybe because they don’t know it any other way, or maybe they forgot how it felt. If i had to put it to words, i’d say It’s like looking through the eyes of a child.

I think this post is long enough so the next post will be about some of the overarching experiences i’ve had last summer. Watch this space.




Random developments 3

Eric Cartman: Butters, you gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while – and do whatever you want all the time – you can miss it.

I rarely agree with him but thats the smartest thing to come out of Eric Cartman’s mouth (right after the time he sucked butters penis.)

It’s mothers day and I’m home supposed to be studying while everyone else is up at Bandar. Funny thing is I wished my mum a happy mother’s day yesterday. I guess it doesn’t really matter since mothers day is subjective to every one.

So today I’ve been getting some well needed sleep. I’ve only slept one hour yesterday before having a busy day and on Wednesday, I stayed up for 35 hours straight. Honestly, I think I can go far longer than that because after I passed the 30 hour mark, it felt like I’ve pinned my body into submission and it was all a mental challenge from there (Like when you have a staring competition and start tearing up.) I’ve heard you start hallucinating cool shit at the 60 hour mark.

Back in 2008. I’m the loser in grey and Ainul is the girl 3rd from the left

Oh Ainul Apri is coming back to Brunei this July and I think I’ll get her a gift. Shes been a really great and very supportive friend since forever and awesome people deserve presents everyday. Plus, shes growing up real fast there in Australia and I just want to give her something to remember me by. Thinking of getting her something practical because thats the kind of girl she is but sort of sentimental. Something that says something like

“yo bitch, whats crackalacking? what up?, you’re one of my best friends but now you’re all grown up,

you’re so sweet like pumpkin pie, they’re not really sweet though but please don’t ever say goodbye”

..except less vulgar and not written in one minute. Maybe like a pillow with my words sewn on it or something but then I’ll need to find someone to help me sew. I’ll figure something out by then. (unlikely but if you’re reading this Ainul, act surprised nigguh!)

Alot of other things happened in the past few weeks but I’d rather not mention them now.