Total engagement

The thing about living as a student in the UK is that you enter a whole different culture. I feel like a general trend i keep seeing in university students is that they have this external sense of courage and purpose, but its compounded with this weird sense that they know how the world works and where they belong in it. It’s as if university students has to have this narration of why they are there, studying what they are studying and what they will be. How can you justify going 9k pounds in debt every year if you don’t have a plan? This isn’t to dismiss their efforts as being silly. I’m just constantly reminded how university students are just as sheltered and confused as when we were in secondary school.

I am admittedly confused with life but thats fine because i think it takes a confused person to find out some amazing truths. I’m excited to meet my university friends in the future after they’ve had the rug pull from under their feet because i think that is when they will realise their full potential!

Last summer was a confusing period for me. My mind had enough with all the unnecessary stresses that comes with being a student so i was full bent on this notion of ‘being  completely present’. I disliked how noisy life can be. Theres just a bombardment of stimulus in day to day life that it can be hard to completely engage with whats really in front of you. It’s one of the big reasons why I stopped blogging or carrying a phone.

I honestly think being completely present is the most addicting feeling in the world but talking about being present always presents itself as a subjective matter. A lot of people don’t  understand what it means to be completely present because maybe because they don’t know it any other way, or maybe they forgot how it felt. If i had to put it to words, i’d say It’s like looking through the eyes of a child.

I think this post is long enough so the next post will be about some of the overarching experiences i’ve had last summer. Watch this space.




Summer holiday 2013

summer holiday is here and I’ve been enjoying it quite a bit.

We did a lot of trekking through the nature trails in Aberystwyth and me and Hadi had the idea to make a sort of Twilight video because the place kind of reminded us of it. It turned out nicely i think for a quick video. haha. I’m seriously contemplating getting a handy cam because i’ve been sort of  getting into videography as a fun hobby.

Me and Hazirah went out when I was in Birmingham last friday and it was a lot of fun. We had lunch, looked for geocaches, laid at the park and had coffee and it was nice exploring the city with her. All throughout the day we talked about pretty much everything. 10/10 would do it again. My housemate told me there’s a bus that goes from Aberystwyth to Swansea daily so I might just visit south Wales after term time starts again. 🙂

After out date I took a train to Leicester to see my best friend Lee and it’s was so nice just seeing her again! We explored Leicester and ate so much food. Now I know why people have a hard time losing weight there (lol kidding lee). I stayed there for about six fun days and leaving was kind of depressing because we’ve been absent from each others life for quite a bit but it’s okay because from second year onwards we’re going to hang out a lot more. Right lee?

Photo on 09-06-2013 at 19.47

Right now im in bed in Brunei Hall in room 303. at 3.40am because I’m going to be stuck here for just over 10 days until my flight to Croatia which is on the 27th. I’m very excited to start my backpacking trip and i need to start looking for hosts now. haha. I’m also seeing my brother here in London on the 21st and my hippie sister over the summer because she’s going to be in Germany. Things are going great I think. The thought of the unknown kind of still scares me but I’ll try to welcome it with open arms!

I wanna start blogging my travels this summer as I backpack through eastern Europe. Hopefully I’ll find the time to haha. Heres to  great summer. 🙂


Rosser lounge

I’ve spent the last week basically living in the study lounge or library preparing for my exam. This morning I woke up at 0830 with crazy bed hair cos apparently I fell asleep on the desk in the midst of studying. It’s nicer studying there though because seeing people around me with their books open helps remind me what I’m supposed to be doing. haha. But I do still manage to find myself distracted doing or watching the silliest things.


e.g. I made this for Hazirah last night.

In the lounge, things have fallen into a sort of trend. Theres always a french group ordering take away food and late at night the geography students come and revise together. Third years will populate the self-study table and you can tell who they are by how big their headphones are. Then the chinese group usually has half the lounge to themselves cos there are so many of them.

I always grab this one desk because I like to hook my computer to the monitor screen and there’s this east european guy doing tourism management who always sits next to me and since we’re there all the time, we’ve fallen into this mutual unwritten agreement that this is our table. So we always put our stuff on each others desk when its empty until the other arrives. We’ve talk a few times but we’ve never exchanged names. I think we both prefer it like that. It’s nice having a friend but it’s even nicer having a study partner who’ll let you study in peace.

Remember that movie ‘what women want’ where Mel Gibson got electrocuted with a hairdryer and gained the ability to read girls minds? I used to want that ability – mostly because I’m kinda dense at picking up signals but also because Helen Hunt used to be really attractive. I still think its pretty cool but I don’t think I’d ever have to use it with Hazirah because she’s really honest with me no matter what i ask her. I’ve never been the type of person comfortable talking about my future but we kind of slipped into saying ‘we’ when referring to our future and I like it.

I like the sound of ‘we’ and I like what it implies.  🙂


Coming to terms with the end of terms

Good morning earthlings.

Is this title too long? I feel like it is but its sort of a play on words so I’ll let it slide.

The term is coming to an end and so is university. I can’t believe I’m almost done with my first year already! At this rate, I’ll be done with UK in no time which isn’t such a bad thing but that just exacerbates the urge to travel and explore.

Good news, I signed the contract for my new house last week meaning I finally have a house for the next academic year! I’ll post pictures once I move in but my room is about the same size if not slightly smaller. But good thing is, I finally have a living room meaning more reason to get an xbox360 haha (especially with the imminent price drop). The best thing about it is, it’s literally a few seconds away from the beach. 😀

2013-05-03 17.12.12

took this on a cloudy day but that’s the beach right down the road

I wished my mum a happy mothers day just now but i feel bad that I’m not in Brunei right now to wish her in person. I remember i made my YouTube account just to upload a video of the gift i made her as a kid haha. While we’re on the topic of family, my brother – Freddy, just asked me to meet him in London yesterday. I know that’s kind of not a big deal to many of you but since he moved out, this is the first time he asked me to see him so i think its sort of a big deal. I miss having an older brother to count on and fool around with. Sadly I can’t go but the fact that he wants to see me by itself kinda warms my heart. My sister – Finah, is back in Australia doing god knows what. haha.

me fred finz raya 2008

“quickly, fake laugh!”

My last conversation with her was funny because she turned into a hippie now and I was asking her about her dreadlocks and she was advising me not to use inorganic chemicals on my hair. haha. i.e shampoo. I always thought I was the hippie in the family, what with me being a vegetarian and fighting for animal welfare, but i think she took the crown with the travelling out of a suitcase with no money and no shower part. haha

I have my first exam tomorrow so this is my obligatory pre-paper procrastination post. haha 😀


April wrap-up

Hello earthlings!

so right now, I am so broke that all I can do it laugh at myself haha. I’m so broke that i’m gonna need to dip a little bit into my June allowance to break even.

If you’re wondering why, it has something to do with the fact that I had to shell out 80 pounds to go to Weymouth in South-West England last week because of a summer job interview at Sea life. It was on short notice but I went to the assessment and interview and now I have to wait a week to hear results. Not gonna get my hopes up just yet!

During the assessment, I met this girl Jessica – a local sixth form student whose also applying to work during summer and she started telling me about the town and everything. I hope we both get the summer job at Sea life because she’s just so crazy nice that I’d feel bad if i get the job at her expense. haha


his name is Wilkenson but I nicknamed him Beaufort haha

I managed to couch surf during my stay even though I had only 5 days notice! This is my first surfing experience here in the UK and it was great fun and I can’t wait to surf some more across Europe. I think I got over the fear of surfing with a dog owner since Sam-my host in Weymouth had a dog and it liked to just follow me and hang around in every room I go. haha. Theres gonna be a CS meeting next friday and I’m planning on bringing Fisha because my sister Finah got her interested in couch surfing so I might as well introduce her to a few people here!

BrAbs had a beach BBQ yesterday and it was great fun! It’s funny because when I first came here, I was a little hesitant about hanging out with the society often but now, six months later, I’ve come to cherish them and I enjoy our times together. I can’t wait to see more faces this September!


crazy bunch of folks!


our welcome photo for the new freshers “ummwelcome to BRABS ladies” hahahaha fail

So Hazirah asked me what I’m gonna do for my birthday and as per usual, I have no idea haha. But then it got me thinking, the reason I could always not have anything planned is because I had great friends around me to fall back on even if it was a less than spectacular birthday but this year will be the first time I’m spending my birthday here in the UK so it’ll probably suck to not have anyone here remember my birthday especially during the start of summer haha. I should stop over thinking things.

Things have been going great with Hazirah. She’s going back to Brunei this summer but hopefully I’m going to see her in London before she goes. Oh and we’re planning to make our way down south to the coast just for the sake of travelling (though lately, I’ve been sort of interested in visiting Stonehenge). We’ve been talking every night for exactly a month now and its been really fun. She’s like a total opposite of Bi and that’s a really good thing 😀

So we just started doing video dares where we have to make a video of the other persons choice and I need to go record myself trying to say a really long tongue twister now. haha have a great day fellow human beings.