Buonasera I viagiatori,
I’ve been in Berlin for almost a week and It’s been so healthy for me as someone who does not like cities so much. Everyone is extremely nice and the whole “if I don’t need something il put it outside my house so someone else can take it” mentality is really beautiful. Cities are usually the most offending in terms of racism but because of its history, Berlin seems to break the status quo and instead be the most open and liberating place around.
I had a really beautiful day yesterday. Someone I never met before messages me on Instagram saying she’s in Berlin as well and we should meet. And it was all by chance that we were in Berlin at the same time so I went to see her.
Once I met her, Noura, I felt so relieved because she was the exact person I needed to meet at this point in my journey. We were talking about different gurus and our fears and how it encompasses our life. Were on the same journey for self awareness except she’s so much more ahead in her progress and so she helped me ask myself the questions she had to answer before.
What am I looking for? Why am I travelling? What am I avoiding? Are you looking for external happiness?
I had a number of epiphanies about myself and i realise that at this point in my life, I don’t need to travel. Right now I don’t want the environment to change around me because it makes it hard for me to concentrate on my true inner self which is what I want to work on now.
I’m not so scared about going back to wales to study and especially to Brunei this summer anymore. I found it’s not the ending to the journey but a step I have to overcome sooner or later. I’m giving up on the travellers dream of “finding my perfect place in the world where I can be who I am” at least for now, because I’m still looking out of the shell of conformity my fears and society’s prejudice moulded for me and if I haven’t escaped that and understand myself, I can never find a place where I feel I can truly be myself.
I’m trying to meditate more and being self aware of myself and the environment. I learnt about myself that I conform too much to the things around me which I used to feel is a skill but now I need to stop letting the surroundings dictate who I am and instead mould my environment to my liking. True happiness comes from within and when that happens, it won’t matter so much where I am in the world.
I feel like things are going well for me right now and hopefully it I’ll continue.