self-satisfied

A few days ago I told myself, “if I don’t get it this time, then I don’t deserve it”

If it was because I didn’t study enough, or didn’t ask enough questions or didn’t allocate enough time, I deserved whatever I get. Four times I took the exam from June 2009 to June 2011 and I didn’t give up all that time. But just because you have the determination of an ox doesn’t mean you have the will of one. Each exam broke my spirit bit by bit and even though I was determined to keep going doesn’t mean I wasn’t sick and tired of it. But it did sort of make me stronger. I learnt to be a better person each time i got the dreaded result SMS. Yes, I might be a little stubborn at times especially in the studying part but I try to pay my dues by correcting myself.

This time around, I learnt that sometimes even if I feel like giving up, I owe it to myself to try again. I might grow a little bitter and sad with failure but that simply adds to the sweet victory once I get what I work hard for. I don’t really know what to do now but I’ll leave that for tomorrow. Tonight I’m going to sleep feeling self-satisfied finally.

-vuxpyra//

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