I feel really horrible. Last week I was admitted to the hospital because my face was swelling and to paraphrase the doctor, if the swelling reaches my brain or cheek bone, I might as well shoot myself. I’m fine now but I still feel like shooting myself.

I’m disconnected from the world. I feel so claustrophobic right now, physically and mentally. Having to stay in hospital rooms and now my house, left alone to myself, you know how agitated that makes me. It’s just so depressing in this dark room when everyone who always comforts me in these situations are busy. Faris is busy with work, Lee is busy with school, Akmal is busy with his girlfriend, Ainul is busy with her TOK exam, and everyone else is MIA. fuck.

I’m gonna walk outside and stare at the sky tomorrow. I hate being claustrophobic.



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