I’m a little bummed out. Partly because of the weather, Mostly because I won’t see Bibi until who knows when. It’s the holidays and I wanted to spend it with her. I guess I’m a little selfish that way because I guess I need to remind myself that she has other more important people in her life, like her mother or her cousins and I shouldn’t cheat them by stealing her away when they need her. If she wanted to spend time with me then she will.
Usually some of my chick friends would vent at me and I know how awkward and uncomfortable it is being the listener and finding the right words to say on the spot. Thats something I really like about Bibi. She was nice enough to listen to me and let me speak (big plus) instead of storming off like any other angry girl would.
We kind of had a fight last night because, well, I guess we stepped on each others toes. but the weird thing is, I’m glad we did. I never realised how much I would hate it if she left until she brought it up. She always says these little things that would make me doubt that she believes this will last and that she’s committed to making this work and I guess when you hear something enough, you become convinced its true because for a while there I was sort of fine with it. It kept things light and it gave me the space I needed but I don’t know things are different now. When she suggested I should leave last night, it made my stomach clench and my heart drop. For someone who isn’t used to being emotionally hurt, this was like a kick the the balls. I guess I’m more serious about this than I thought.
Things are fine now, except I know she’s not telling me something and it frustrates the hell out of me when she doesn’t tell me things but i’ll ride it out and give her her space. For all I know, my persistent pestering is what got me in trouble in the first place.