I wanna get one of those tattoos like Popeye where i’ll have a giant heart inked into my arm with the word ‘mum’ wrapped around the heart. I think I’ll break down and die if my mum is ever not…. here anymore.

You know the worst type of crying you do where your sinuses gets blocked and your breathing is uncanny and you can feel your chest heaving continuously and you will most likely continue crying until you get too tired and thus, you fall asleep with bloodshot eyes?

I’m not trying to sound like a fag but my eyes were tearing when i woke up more or less an hour ago. I kinda experienced one of the most emotional dreams i have yet to experienced this very morning..

I deliberately skipped Physics extra class a couple of hours ago because i was terribly sleepy after staying up til 4-ish chatting with Dinah who she was feeling sad. So i went to back to sleep after my mum asked me if I’m going to school this morning. I think seeing my mum triggered the dream just like how scary movies trigger nightmares in kids.

From what i remembered in my dream, i was around the age of 8-9 ish and i was wearing my ‘Hari Raya’ clothes. We were at this place that looks like a refurbished Kampong Ayer as i remembered the houses were made of wood and there were walkways surrounding the square shaped perimeter of the houses and i could smell and hear the water from the gaps between walkways of houses.

I looked around me and i was in some sort of trip or something as i was with around 6 more kids or more. I didn’t really know anyone there so i just grouped together with these 2 much younger kids. From what i could tell, they were prolly indians.

Everyone was entering this house and i could see the trip guardians were talking with the house owner. A man and woman who i assumed were married. They were also indians. Me being the naughty kid i was started walking around the house and looking into the water. The water was murky though so i just went and walked around the house until i reached the back. There was this cake there on this table. It looked superbly delicious as though i have never tasted cake before but i could tell it wasn’t finished as the icing was not yet added. So.. i went into the house from the back door with my watery mouth.

The wife was giving me this look when she saw me enter from the back and i just went and sat back with the indian kids. I kinda thought this was their house by then. I could hear the husband telling his wife that he was going now and asked her to mind us for him. she agreed but when she looked at me, she gave me another look that went “what am i going to do with you?”.

I kinda wanted to go home as this place was boring and i feel like i didn’t belong there so i tried to go out through the front door which was next to where the wife was sitting and looking at us silently like she was waiting for something. I wanted to go to the trip guardians and ask them if we could go or i could not be with them but she stopped me.

She told us we should go somewhere now so she lead us all outside. The trip guardians were outside and looking at us. She led us into this other room next to the one we were in but had to go outside to enter it.

What i saw shocked me. There were cakes and everything in there. The wife had a happy look on her face and the other kids started to sob and eat. They were crying.

I then took one of this chocolate things that caught my eye. it looked delicious to me with chocolate covering it’s whole surface area and thin white lines going around the whole chocolate. Then i noticed writings on both sides with the white lines.

“Good boy” & “love” were what i think was written there because i kinda smudged them while holding it. Then i suddenly realised it. It finally clicked. I had no parents. We were orphans. I’m a charity case. I was completely convinced that i was an orphan and it was like a blow to the head. It was a shock and it made me started to hurt real bad.

I myself started to cry in the way i mentioned above. I remembered having parents and being an orphan implied that my parents either died or left me. I was crying so much it hurts and i can feel the love radiating from the piece of chocolate i had in my hand. Aside from love i could feel it radiated pity. This came from the cake on the table too which was done by then and looked superb.

I don’t know why but the pity and love coming from the foods was making me hungry. I felt that i should savour this feeling before it disappears. I knew what a sad life orphans live. I ate the chocolate and it just made me lust for the love inside them more. I had no parents so i had to get any love i can get. I couldn’t control my feelings… and the sad thing is that i had no parents to stop me. I wanted to hug the wife but she wasn’t there so i fell fell to my knees and cried at the thought of my parents leaving me.

Like most vivid dreams, I wasn’t able to get closure for my dream. I woke up sobbing and i sigh in relief when i realised that i still had my mum. Who i love very very much. I now wanna adopt an orphan someday. Maybe it’s easier said than done but i hate it when people or animals get hurt. I don’t want kids to not be able to find love. I felt it and it hurts. My will to become a humanitarian has also been rekindled back and i just wanna help the orphans here in Brunei. They need us. Sad thing is no one needs them )=

One of my golden goals now is to make an Orphan smile in happiness.

This dream reminds me of the novel ‘Rosie’ i read a while back though now i bet i’d understand more clearly the emotions the protagonist- Rosie went through.

God gave me a morale or three to follow.

1) Don’t be racist as not all the people of a race are as bad as you picture them.

2) Love your parents. Not everyone has them.

3) Please help the Orphans. They lack enough love.

The dream itself was something that had something to do w my day. I talked w an indian at this kadai runcit that night, I told Christy how i was craving to eat cake a couple of hours before and i saw my mum just before the dream. Overall, this dream is now considered one of the top 10 dreams ever. It showed me how much i need my mum.


2 thoughts on “Mother.

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